Don't Blame Me

"Don't Blame Me" is the fourth track from Taylor Swift's sixth studio album, reputation. It was released on November 10, 2017, through Big Machine Records.

Personally I interpret this song as Taylor’s commentary on the unrelenting criticism of her love life, through the lens of a hypothetical toxic relationship. This would fit very well with the overall theme of Reputation as an album, which is all about Taylor’s reputation (go figure) and her no longer taking it lying down, so to say. First, there’s this lyric:

-I've been breakin' hearts a long time, and -Toyin' with them older guys* -Just playthings for me to use

*From Taylor’s other discography, we know that her past relationships did in fact mean a lot to her, and therefore that last part isn’t true. It IS her reputation, however—a careless heartbreaker. This strongly points towards the song being a satire of sorts, where Taylor plays into these stereotypes, not unlike a previous song of hers, Blank Space.

**Taylor dated quite a few men who were considerably older than her when she was quite young, such as John Mayer (she was 19, he was 32) and Jake Gyllenhaal (she was 20, he was 29). It’s heavily assumed that her songs Dear John and All Too Well are about these two respectively, which would confirm that the relationships were indeed toxic. Despite Taylor’s young age, it was often her who faced the brunt of the backlash from her breakups due to misogyny. The notion that Taylor was somehow the manipulator in relationships with such a clear power imbalance in the opposite direction (due to the age differences) is borderline absurd, and Don’t Blame Me once again plays into that.

Moving on; one might think this song to be romantic at first—a song about true love in all its intensity. However, I believe a deeper dive into the lyrics reveals something else. Because while the love displayed in this song is certainly intense and seemingly true, there’s one key thing it’s not—healthy. This song does not describe a healthy relationship. It instead describes a relationship where intensity has boiled over into obsession (“Halo, hiding my obsession”), and resulted in a loss of identity (“My name is whatever you decide”). More than anything, it describes a relationship in which Taylor has developed an unhealthy dependence on her partner. Here are some more examples:

-Don't blame me, love made me crazy -If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right

-I'm insane, but I'm your baby (your baby)

-If (if) you (you) walk away -I'd beg you on my knees to stay

While saying love makes one “crazy” is a common and not inherently bad sentiment, it could certainly be used that way. Based on all the other evidence in the song, it seems Taylor is describing a scenario in which she stayed in her toxic relationships and it genuinely impacted her mental health. As discussed earlier, the public/media seemingly wanted her to stay in these relationships, hence the “you’re not doing it right” line as that’s the apparent message she received.

Continuing with this theme, she goes on to say that even though her mental health is suffering, it doesn’t matter because at least she’s in this relationship. Once again, that’s the apparent message she received (even if unintentionally) by facing backlash over the ending of relationships that were bad for her. This still happened when Taylor wasn’t even the one to end the relationship, hence the notion that she should have “begged.”

-Lord, save me, my drug is my baby

-Shakin, pacin', I just need you*

-I get so high, oh -Every time you're, every time you're lovin' me

Taylor compares love to a drug, which is again fairly common and not inherently bad, but could again easily be used that way. Drugs are something people become dependant on, and which bring dramatic highs and lows—much like a toxic relationship. A common manipulation tactic is called love bombing, and it is when your partner quite literally bombards you with love early on in the relationship. This can be an almost euphoric experience for the victim, similar to a high*. It also speeds up the attachment process and causes the relationship to quickly become very intense. After a while, the abusive partner will suddenly take the love bombing away, sending the victim spiralling and essentially resulting in a crash or low. The abuser will use this to control you, and keep you chasing that high.

There were additional lines I was going to include and analyze, but this is already an essay so I’ll stop there. I’ll end by saying that I believe the song is called Don’t Blame Me because, as discussed, Taylor was essentially blamed for the ending of all her relationships no matter what. So in this hypothetical scenario where she stayed in an unhealthy relationship, she’s saying you can’t blame her for the consequences or anything else this time, because she’s just doing what you (the general public, media, etc) seemingly wanted.