Rehab Center for Fictional Characters

Uh, well, hello everyone Um, welcome to the rehab center for fictional characters Umm, alright Let's get right to it Who wants to start us off? How about you Chris? Umm, alright Hey, I'm Chris Cringle I'm a sex addict Hey I'm Santa Clause, I'm the king of snow I hate my wife because she is a ho, ho, ho She used to please me every day Then she made it clear That Santa's only supposed to come once a year Fuckin' bitch Now I buy whores, rock and roll And I stuff their stockings with my north pole Okay Chris, thank you Alright, who's up next? Patrick, frowny face Get up here Alright I'm Patrick O'Riley I'm a leprechaun You all doin' good? Yeah, I'm not doing so good I had a wonderful life, with a healthy household And a beautiful wife, and a pot full of gold Ha! Then my wife spent my riches all by herself And since women are bitches, blew a Keebler elf Uh Now I drink all day and a part of me dies 'Cause my wife is getting gang-banged by the Rice Krispie guys Hey I know them Oh, Tony Nice of you to show up Where were you last week? I had some stuff Hey, I'm Tony the tiger Uh, fuck it I'll just sing Every day I wake up, I get to work late My boss says, 'Hey, whats up?' I say that I'm growing tired of this shit The kids they laugh, 'cause I'm a sensitive cat 'Big pussy!' I can't argue with that If another kid gives me frosted flakes I swear on my life, I'll eat his parents Okay Tony, thank you Umm, so that's everybody So let's just get down to it Umm oh, who are you? Hi yeah, hi yeah, hi yeah I'm the easter bunny Hey I'm back! Used to be funny now I'm hooked on crack Heaps of heroine ain't no joke Marshmallow peeps covered in coke-coke-coke-coke-coke-coke-coke-coke Coke! Drugs for life, that's my plan But now I have no attention span Okay, I'm going to go and get him, alright? You guys just please play nice please, alright? I'll be back in a second, okay? Hey Pat did you hear, all my elves got sick I think they got herpes from some Irish chick Motherfucker What are you laughin' at Tony I don't know it's uh It's funny, um This is getting ridiculous Santa, Tony would you guys please stop? Oh Snap Crackle and pop Haha, 'cause they banged your wife I'm getting out of here This is fucking ridiculous