I F--K Sl--Ts

Thank you for all being here on a Friday I know there's lots of places you can be on a Friday So I appreciate you taking the time to be with me It does truly mean a lot I would like to, um, do a love poem right now Since it's sort of early in the show Um, I warn you, it is sappy and romantic, so um I'll get it out of the way now And then I'll go back to the, er, the dirty stuff That everyone loves, or whatever Um, okay, it's called 'I Fuck Sluts' Sluts Sluts (it's not a rollcall but thank you) Sluts, I fuck sluts Sluts get fucked when I fuck sluts No if ands and or buts I fuck sluts I fuck sluts Nice girls are nice But no good for nut sucking Don't need need a serene night to green light a butt fucking But that will be easy with sleazy old slut fucking Boo to the nice girls Praise be to slut fucking I have a list A list? Yes, a list of all the sluts I've missed I've never fucked or sucked these sluts And thus my nuts are fucking pissed So when I fuck the lucky slut, my nut removes her from the list Another dumb cum bucket struck From my nut sucking suck it slut, slut fucking bucket list So, yes you hear the influences, Chaucer The pages are blank, I know it, why am I lying to you? Sluts can be white, black, brown, pink or almond They can be skinny with big tits Or be skinny with small ones Sluts can be perky preppy or posh With their brains and their clothes all shrunk from the wash City people are confused But other sluts are pretty and funny and smart These sluts can lift all your thoughts from your dick to your heart They can talk about science, music, or art They can put you together Or they could pull you apart But don't trust these sluts Don't, don't you dare They'll force you Trust them and love them and care And then they'll be gone And then youll be aware of that hole in your heart That that dumb slut left there Thank you very much So, you see? He was lashing out with sexist language 'Cause he had his heart broken We all learn something Um, I know that that bit in particular is a little bit dense A little bit hard to follow And I wanna be able to do something that's easier to follow And you could probably get on the first listen So I wanna do a slower joke for you, erm Here's a slow joke... What did the ear of corn say When all of it's clothes fell off "Aw shucks!" Get it? Like, shucks as in shucking corn And also shucks the exclamation Am I right? Something for everybody, um My father recently told me that I act too gay on stage I said, "Really Dad? Prove it" For those listening, I threw confetti, flamboyantly So we're having fun Thank you for all being here