Oh, the last I heard of Shirley
She was married to some guy
Living south of Kansas City
Too bad I was so shy

And the last I heard of Linda
She was lookin' much the same
She was married to some guy
Too bad I couldn't take the blame

I couldn't take the blame
And Linda was the name of my sorrow
And Shirley was too
And now it's you

And the last I heard from Mary-Lou
She still hadn't learnt to sing
She was married to some guy
Too bad I didn't buy a ring

And the last I heard of Janie
Everybody knew her name
Miss something or the other
Too bad I never had no fame

I never had no fame
And Janie was the name of my sorrow
And Mary Lou was too
And now it's you

Oh, the last I heard of Marilyn
She still hadn't changed a bit
She had everything there in it's place
Too bad I didn't fit

And the last I heard of Susan
She still nursed a fickle flame
And she waited in her patient way
Too bad I never came

Too bad I never came
For Susan was the name of my sorrow
And Marilyn was too
And now it's you