[Verse 1]
The old man next door says his house is haunted
He says a ghost keeps him awake
I think he's having a hard time, to be honest
Since his darling passed away

But he fears that a phantom has finally found him
Some nemesis that never quit holding a grudge
The old man next door says his house is haunted
It's best to be upfront with some tough love

[Chorus]
I said, "Robert, I'm so sorry, your house ain't haunted
You're just not used to being alone
Robert, all the creaks and shifts are just the sounds ya miss
When you shared your homе."

[Verse 2]
He says, "No, no, no, no no no!
I've had some closе calls with falling items
I'm talking picture frames and dinner plates, and all
All my daily meds, I can never find em
They're put in places that I never would have done

And the furniture shifts and it caused me to trip
I wake up with my pillow on my face every night
It sounds silly but this house is trying to kill me!
Will you come see, just stay with me, just stay with me one time!"

[Chorus]
I said, "Robert I'm so sorry, your house ain't haunted
You're just not used to being alone
Robert, all the shifts and creaks are just the signs of grief
Now you're living on your own... but okay, I'll go."

[Verse 3]
I can't help but feel absurd because nothing that I've heard
From the downstairs room
Is of paranormal origin, it's 4 a.m. this poor old man is just confused

But wait...
I hear footsteps on the stairs
They're getting louder and louder above me
They're stomping! I pray it's just Robert
Until I hear him scream my name (Neighbor guy!)

And I go running up the stairs, jumping three at a time!
And I'm fully unprepared for the terrors I will find
I burst into the room and by the light of the moon
It's a ghost that's as real as both me and you!

[Bridge]
It wasn't the butler that he sacked without cause
Or that surly groundskeeper, or that mafia boss
Or his old business partner that he stabbed in the back
Or the ghost of Christmas future, present, or past

And it wasn't the guy from the mishap at the zoo
Or that other guy from the other mishap at the zoo
No, of all the spooky specters Robert wronged in his life
The ghost floating between us was his darling dead wife!

[Chorus]
And she said, "Robert, I'm so sorry, didn't mean to scare ya
I'm just not used to being alone
Robert, you see, death's a one-way street
And I can't find my way back home

Robert, I figured I'd just come getcha
I thought a haunting might do the trick
Robert, I'm sorry, I thought it'd be easier
I don't remember you being this quick."

[Outro]
The old house next door has a sign out front now
A for sale sign tied to a post
So attention shoppers, you can make an offer
On a two bed, two bath, and a ghost