[Spoken to audience]
I had a record that came out June 10th and
Y'all obviously bought that
It's called "Big Day in a Small Town" and
I appreciate y'all for doing that!
Let's turn the Hotel Cafe into a real rowdy redneck small town!

[Verse 1]
Mama got a call from the principal's office
Better get down here fast
'Cause Mindy passed out when her water broke
In the middle of geometry class
Her mama didn't know
She was nine months late
Been getting on her 'bout gaining weight
And now she's a grandma
Somebody had a baby
Somebody had a breakdown
Ah, it's a big day in a small town

[Verse 2]
Willie Smith swore he wouldn't miss one more
Of Junior's football games
Got his twelve-pack of Bud and his Friday night buzz
Headed south in the northbound lane
Junior's in the endzone
Halfback pitch
Willie's sitting upside down in a ditch
And the crowd goes wild (Audience cheers)
Somebody wrecked a pick-up
Somebody scored a touchdown
Ah, it's a big day in a small town

[Chorus]
There ain't no mall
No wafflehouse
But there's always something to talk about 'round here
Somebody shot a deer (Woo!)
Somebody's getting married
Or buried
Or carried away
If the sun comes up
And the sun goes down
Ah, it's a big day in a small town

[Verse 3]
Rumour going round 'bout a Methodist man
And a jailbait checkout queen
His wife caught wind of unspeakable sin
Going down in aisle thirteen
She left all the chicken in the frying pan
Threw all the kids in the grand caravan
With a baseball bat
Somebody went to Walmart
In nothing but a nightgown
Ah, it's a big day in a small town

[Chorus]
There ain't no mall
No wafflehouse
But there's always something to talk about 'round here
Somebody shot a deer (Woo!)
Somebody's getting married
Or buried
Or carried away
If the sun comes up
And the sun goes down
Ah, it's a big day in a small town