(Ho, ho, ho!) Shut the fuck up, Santa
(Merry Christmas) Okay
(Beard's weird) I'm only doing this once
(Your beard is weird) Stuff this in your stocking

'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
'Cause I fucking killed everybody (Woo!)
It’s the hip hop Grinch, got Col on my wish list
Guess what, kids? Santa doesn’t exist
'Cause I fucking drowned him in the Atlantic Ocean for talking shit (You just got dissed)
I’ll chop the balls off of Rudolph, string him up on the walls
So I guess you could say I'm about to dick the halls
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la, I just banged Mrs. Clause
In a lukewarm hot tub full of eggnog
Welcome to my TED talk, I fucking hate eggnog
Noggidy floggidy flog eggidy nog
And I heard this reindeer trash talking like a bitch
He don’t know I got Blitzen wrapped up in my fridge
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
Oh it’s Santa, how's he keep getting fatter?
Kick him in the chestnuts, that's a nutcracker
I'm a crazy white rapper, yeah I'm a nuts cracker (Woo!)
You decorate, I decapitate
You wrap presents, I rap better than you, prick
Always on the naughty list and we can all see
Santa salty I'm balls deep in Mrs. Clause' jeans
Run, run, run, Mr. Gingerbread Man
But I'll still make you crumb crumbs in my hand
And I don't give a damn about this wack holiday
Here's why I hate Santa's fat ass anyway
I sent a letter to the North Pole as a kid
Back then I told him I only wanted one thing
An easy-bake oven but he didn't listen
Got me a motherfucking toaster instead, and now he’s dead
So let this be a lesson if a kid wants a present
Related to baking delicious pastries
You got to get them what they're craving
Especially an easy-bake oven
So one day they might be able to be featured on Chef’s Table
Take your partridge in a pear tree
Throw it in the garbage disposal and turn up the speed
Other rappers playing happy like they Buddy the Elf
Bitch I'm the one who made Frosty the Snowman melt