Men and women think differently, and that’s especially true on the subjects of love and sex. Those different perspectives show up in the music we listen to, and that’s the real subject of this essay: How men’s and women’s views about love and sex are expressed in song.

The subjects of love and sex in song certainly aren’t limited to Country music; they’re two of the biggest topics in many genres, and most everyone has a favorite. “Take a Bow”" by Rihanna, “Urgent” by Foreigner, “Candy Shop” by 50 Cent, Crazy in Love” by Beyoncé, “Lollipop” by Lil Wayne, and “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston are just a few examples of the breadth and scope of these topics in music.

This project narrows the field to Country music. Granted, we’ve taken some liberties by including a few old Blues songs here, but let’s just call them “Country Blues” or “Americana” for the purpose of this essay.

How Men and Women Differ on Love and Sex

• Women often dream about love and romance, but men often dream about sexual fulfillment.
• Women see a romantic relationship eventually leading to sex. For men, the relationship doesn’t really start until it includes sex.
• Women generally see sex as an expression of a close, intimate relationship. Women want to be in love before having sex. Men see love and sex as two distinct ideas.
• When a relationship is in trouble, a woman will feel it has to be repaired before they’ll have sex. Men see sex as a way to repair a troubled relationship.
• Men want women, while women want relationships. Men want sex and women want love. Just as boys want toy trains and Legos, girls want contact and company — someone to play with.

These bullet points over-simplify the differences in the sexes , but they’re more true than false as an overview. They also set-up a similar set of comparisons in songs about love and sex.

How This Plays-Out in Music

These same bullet points apply to the messages you find in songs:

• When you hear lyrics about romance and relationship, you’re likely listening to a song targeted at women
• When you hear lyrics about making love (especially when it's graphic), you’re likely listening to a song targeted at men.
• When you hear lyrics that bemoan the troubles of love, everyone is fair game — this problem plagues us all.

At this point, you may be thinking this is a caricature of real life (and music). In a sense it is. After all, men and women are human beings, with all the complexities and nuances of personality that come with being human. If it’s exhaustive analysis and footnotes you seek, go read Masters and Johnson or The Hite Report. The crux of all this is a simple reminder: There are always messages hidden in music. They’re not necessarily satanic messages, nor back masking or even hidden agenda messages. People write music, and different people have different perspectives. All of that comes out in the music you hear. Whether they’re intentionally presenting a point of view to tell a story of a certain character, or subconsciously conveying their own feelings in the lyrics, lyricists bring their experiences and attitudes to your ears in the same way a book or a movie does to your eyes.

Some will remember the Congressional investigations into the music industry in the mid 80s. The media suddenly filled with stories of demonic messages on rock records, underground devil worship and the blatent promotion of drugs and sex in song. The whole episode fueled the polarization between conservative Christian organizations on the right and Civil Libertarians on the left. Instead of accepting more restrictions on our freedom of speech, we can accept the responsibility to listen with a discerning ear.

Everything you hear isn’t the truth, and some of what you hear may be partly true, but colored to serve a purpose. If this is starting to sound a lot like conversations between men and women, you’re right. The lesson is, listen with your ears, but use your brain to filter and evaluate what you’re hearing.

Country Songs About Love and Sex

The following list represents male and female perspectives on love and sex as they appear in Country music. (Okay, Country, Americana and Country-Blues.) This isn’t one of those “every song you can think of” lists. It’s a representation of the differences in perspective, and a it’s a representation of the scope of subjects within the topic. If you think on it a while, you’ll surely come up with a good addition to the list. Add it as a suggestion at the bottom of the page; it will help make this discussion even more valuable to those trying to understand the other sex (and the music they love).

From a Male Perspective:
"The Man You Want" — by Radney Foster
“Dust My Broom” — by Elmore James
“I Don’t Owe You a Thang” — by Gary Clark Jr
"Always on My Mind” — by Willie Nelson
"I'm To Blame" - by Kip Moore
"Gentle on My Mind" — by Glen Campbell
“Just a Little Bit” — by Bobby King and Terry Evans
“My Baby Don’t Tolerate” — by Lyle Lovett
“Just In Case” — by Todd Snider
From a Female Perspective:
“Love Letter” — by Bonnie Raitt
“God Made Girls” — by RaeLynn
"Somebody's Knockin' — by Terri Gibbs
“Just a Little Bit” — by Etta James
“Love Story” — by Taylor Swift
“Ballad of a Runaway Horse” — by Emmylou Harris
“Right In Time” — by Lucinda Williams
“Too Far From Texas” — by Stevie Nicks

From Both Perspectives:
“Your Side of the Bed” — by Little Big Town
“Picture” — by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow
"Red Staggerwing" — by Mark Knopfler and Emmylou Harris
“Mendocino County Line” — by Willie Nelson and Lee Ann Womak

References:

If you’d like to read more on the subject of the psychological differences between the sexes, music and sexuality, or about freedom of speech in the media, here are some helpful links:

Medical Daily: Men and Women Love Differently

Why Are Men So Difficult?

Male-Female Differences
Civil Liberties Organizations

Bill Moyers & Company

Featured song and video:
"When I Said I Do" by Clint and Lisa Black