[Verse 1]
Hey, mister, where you headed?
Are you in a hurry?
Need a lift to happy hour? Say, "Oh, no"
Do you brake for distilled spirits?
I need a break as well
The well that inebriates the guilt
One, two, one, two, three, four

[Verse 2]
Cold turkey's gettin' stale
Tonight, I'm eatin' crow
Fermented salmonella, poison oak, no
There's a drought at the fountain of youth
And I'm dehydrated
My tongue is swellin' up, I say
"One, two, one, two, three, four"

[Chorus]
Troubled times, you know I cannot lie
I'm off the wagon and I'm hitchin' a ride

[Bridge]
There's a drought at thе fountain of youth
And I'm dehydrated
My tongue is swеllin' up, I said
"Shit"

[Guitar Solo]

[Chorus]
Troubled times, you know I cannot lie
I'm off the wagon and I'm hitchin' a ride

[Outro]
(Don't know where to go) Hitchin' a ride
(Don't know where to go) Hitchin' a ride
(Don't know where to go) Hitchin' a ride
(Don't know where to go) Hitchin' a ride
(Don't know where to go) Hitchin' a ride
(Don't know where to go) Hitchin' a ride
(Don't know where to go) Hitchin' a ride
(Say birthday boys, hey)