Woo! Somebody done been to the Walmart
Man this is the stuff I got for Christmas
Well you cleaned up, what'd ya get?
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dogs
And some parts to a Mustang GT

You got gipped, there's twelve days of Christmas
I know that, I got it covered
Look over there in the corner
That's yours too?!
Yeah
12 pack of Bud
11 wrestlin' tickets
10 o' Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dogs
And some parts to a Mustang GT

Man these ain't normal Christmas presents
No, they're redneck gifts
Redneck gifts?
Yeah
Like if you buy your wife a pair of earrings that double as fishing lures
Or if you can burp the entire chorus to Jingle Bells
Perhaps if you think that the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive
Or if you've ever misspelled anything in Christmas lights
Or if you leave cold beer and pickled eggs for Santa Claus
What's wrong with that?
Didn't say there was something wrong with it
It's just hard to beat
12 pack of Bud
11 wrestlin' tickets
10 o' Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dogs
And some parts to a Mustang GT

Well you know you can't really consider it a Christmas unless you go down to the penitentiary and visit your mamma
You're not listening to me, get the car key out of your ear
That's where the nine years probation comes in
I'm gonna do it for you again, now listen
12 pack of Bud
11 wrestlin' tickets
10 o' Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dogs
And some parts to a Mustang GT

Are you crying?
No, just my allergies
Happy holidays, everybody