[Verse 1]
I would go vegan, but I can't live without cheese
Or bacon, so I can't 'cause everything's about me
I can't afford to spend three dollars on rice and beans
I'm too God damn busy to microwave frozen peas
Plus tofu is processed, which makes it so unhealthy
So I'll stick to my Big Mac and extra large Frosty
Plus God said its okay for me to kill them and eat
Even though I haven't been to church since I was three

[Chorus]
Excuses, excuses, they're all so fucking useless
There is no good reason for you to put them through this
Don't call me a douchebag because your heart is so cold
Your choices have victims, so stop killing animals you asshole

[Verse 2]
Top of the food chain, be stealth while hunting your prey
At Walmart, microwave it then put it on a plate
Season it and cut it with knives like cave men did it
Because something must be right if we have always always done it
And if we didn't eat meat, animals would go extinct
So instead, lets bread them; millions of them each week
But also they'd over-populate if we all don't
Just kill them for food 'cause fuck consistent scenarios

[Chorus]
Excuses, excuses, they're all so fucking useless
There is no good reason for you to put them through this
Don't call me a douchebag because your heart is so cold
Your choices have victims, so stop killing animals you asshole

[Instrumental Interlude]

[Bridge]
The dairy industry is a slaughter industry
Not enough people know that, so I'll explain what I mean
First, the cow's inseminated in order to produce milk
But when the calf is born, the calf is taken and they're killed
The mother tries to fight for the baby that she's lost
But she's too helpless, so I hope your cheese is the worth the cost
This sick process repeats over and over again
So save a cow today and eat a vegetarian

[Chorus]
Excuses, excuses, they're all so fucking useless
There is no good reason for you to put them through this
Don't call me a douchebag because your heart is so cold
Your choices have victims, so stop killing animals you asshole

[Outro]
You asshole
You God damn, motherfucking asshole (Shit!)
You're such an asshole
So stop killing animals, you asshole

(But fuck Morrissey!)