[Skit: Kate McKinnon, Aidy Bryant, Tina Fey]
Hey, girl
Hey...
What's going on, babe?
Yeah, you seem down
You know that girl Donna?
Well, I've met her, like, a thousand times
And she just introduced herself to me!
Rude!
Yeah, she knows who you are!
I know, it's kind of bumming me out...

[Verse 1: Kate McKinnon + Tina Fey, Tina & Aidy]
I see your sadness and I see your pain (huh!)
You can do no wrong, and she's the one to blame
And it hurts me to see somebody hurtin' you (huh!)
She says she's twenty-seven, but she's thirty-two
My words are my knife (my knife, my knife)
Said I'm gonna cut deep
And I'm gonna rip up her whole life

[Chorus 1: Kate McKinnon, Tina Fey, Aidy Bryant]
I'm gonna lift you up
By tearing her down (hey)
I'm gonna dissect all her Instagrams I've found
She's try'na have beach waves
But doesn't have enough hair
When you are down in the gutter
I'll join you there (hey)

[Skit: Aidy Bryant, Tina Fey, Kate McKinnon, Beck Bennett]
Gosh, thank you girls!
Honestly, insulting her made me feel so much better
Oh my god, it's your ex...
Trent came?
Hey, good to see you
You look good!
So do you!
Alright, see you around...
Ok, wow!
A true freak who's obsessed with you

[Verse 2: Aidy Bryant + Kate McKinnon, (Kate)]
Chica-oo-ha honey
C'mon, let's restart
He's a small man with an empty heart
And he's always talkin' 'bout Paris (croissants)
It's like, dude, you did not invent Paris
And don't you know
He'll die alone in a psyche ward
But if you get back together
Then we're back on board

[Chorus 2: Kate McKinnon, Tina Fey, Aidy Bryant]
I'm gonna raise you up (huh!)
By blasting his ass
Let's go in on his mom
Nobody gets a pass
That bitch drinks so much
They should take her car
When my sister has been burned
No burn goes too far (hey)

[Skit: Tina Fey, Aidy Bryant, Kate McKinnon, Nicki Minaj]
Thanks, you guys
God, he sucks!
Yes!
The worst...
Wait, is that Tania from your work?
I had to cover her shift today
Because she said she had a family emergency
*gasps* What?
Hey guys! What's wrong?
Oh, hey, Nicki. We were just talking about this girl--
Oh, girl, I don't even need to know who it is--

[Verse 3: Nicki Minaj]
I'll rip up her life, yo, get the knife
'Cause you low-key my wife, you my bitch for life
You a ten, she a two, life sucks for her
It's goin' down, when we come out, it's up for her
Let's punch her in her face and take her jewels
It's May, we don't play with them April Fools
Uh, you should'a seen her face
It was me, Aidy, Katy, and Tina Fey
You know you're name stay in a hater mouth, boo
I hate her nose, I hate her eyes, I hate her mouth too
I hate her stupid wig, I hate her shoes, too
Is she ugly, lame, or musty? Choose two
Ooh, Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Honey, we caught the shade that you threw
Ooh, Ooh ooh ooh ooh
I love my best friend, bitch, screw you

[Chorus 1: Kate McKinnon, Tina Fey, Aidy Bryant]
I'm gonna lift you up
By tearing them down
I'ma hit on all
All the flaws we've found
You think we're toxic
But no, bitch, that's you
Don't you know talking sh*t is how
We all get through