The “Nice Guy” Ballad Lyrics
Hello, no one is available to take your call
Please leave a message after the tone *beep*
You're a fucking bitch, Sarah, I swear to God
I'm gonna find you, and– *beep*
Hey Sarah, I just wanted to say sorry for my last message
I'm just a little angry at the moment, 'cause it's
Y'know, I'm such a nice guy and you seem to only date scumbags
I just wanted to make sure there's no hard feelings between us
Please, please can you unblock me on MSN Messenger? *beep*
[Verse 1]
M'lady
Can you hear me?
Please don't block my number again
Look, I've jumped through all your hoops
We got off on the wrong foot
But I want to prove to you
That I'm not obsessed with sex
[Verse 2]
Left on seen
Another visit to your Facebook gallery
This time not to masturbate
But instead, to appreciate
Something no man could do as well as I can
Something that shouldn't be for free
Because I'm the only guy for you
And you're the only girl for me
So why won't you
Show me your tits?
[Verse 3]
That restraining order
Was a bit far
All I did was attach a tracker onto your car
It's not a felony
It's not even a crime
I just wanted to make sure
You weren't seeing any black guys
[Verse 4]
Who am I kidding?
A girl as pure as you
Would never go for a man like me
Because you are what reality is made of
Even the part that's gritty
[Chorus]
So why won't you
Show me your tits?
Consensually
(I'm a gentleman, what can I say? I'm also really mentally stable)
I'm gonna kill myself
If you don't go out with me
I mean, it's a stretch
But blood is my dichotomy
I mean, come on
I wrote you a fucking song
I wouldn't have done that if you weren't an attractive woman
(Not… not that you're just a woman to me. I mean I'm a really sensitive guy. I can... I can see below the skin)
[Chorus]
So why won't you
Show me your tits?
[Outro]
This isn't where it ends
We all make our mistakes
And the world will keep on turning
But it turns a lot slower
When you're not around
I'll settle for a picture of your feet
About
“The ‘Nice Guy’ Ballad” is sung from a character who personifies the r/niceguys subreddit. The song embodies tropes from people featured in the subreddit’s posts, who are infamous for being terrible to women by blaming them for the fact that they aren’t in relationships and acting like they’re owed sexual favours in return for being nice to them.
The song received controversy for its distasteful lyrics, more specifically the remark on black guys in one of the verses. The backlash led Wilbur to private the song’s music video on YouTube on September 20, 2021.
Q&A
Find answers to frequently asked questions about the song and explore its deeper meaning
It was the first comedy song I ever wrote. Making fun of the idea of the nice guy, you know, the misogynistic, kind of, like, “girls do want bad guys. And, you know, I was really nice to this girl and she didn’t have sex with me.” […] Par for the course of these kind of people is that they tend to have a lot of other skewed beliefs. And I was trying to tackle all of these. I was making fun of all of them while playing the character of this nice guy.
