Indie-pop great Conan Gray returns today with “Killing Me,” his third single of 2023 and second—after “Never Ending Song”—co-written by Swedish melodic mathematician Max Martin. (Martin and fellow Swedish studio wiz Oscar Holter share production credit.) An ’80s-flavored dance-floor thumper reminiscent of Bonnie Tyler’s 1984 classic “Holding Out for a Hero,” “Killing Me” debuted inside the Top 20 of the Genius Top Songs chart.
“I wrote Killing Me while I was sick with the flu,” Gray revealed in a statement. “It was a miserable time where I was both physically sick, but also super heartbroken over somebody. Hence, ‘you’re KILLING me.’ I think we all have those people who don’t treat us nearly well enough, but we just can’t seem to let them go. People who call you at 2am, and who you know you shouldn’t pick up……but you do. Killing Me is for when you’re on your last limb, begging this person to just please stop torturing your heart.”
“Killing Me” begins with a fakeout. It sounds like we’re in store for a piano ballad as Gray sets the scene in the opening verse. It’s 2AM, and he’s getting a call from the ex he can’t stop thinking about. Thing is, this person is trouble.
I love you bad, that’s the problem occurrin’
Better love I deserve, and I’m hurtin’
But sadly, I worship every moment we meet
The tempo begins to pick up on the pre-chorus, as Gray acknowledges he has no control over this situation.
So you take and you take ’cause you know you can
And I chase as you’re chasin’ another man
Try to break, see your face and I know that I can’t
When the chorus hits, “Killing Me” transforms into a full-on post-disco rave-up. The strobe-lit vibe is the exact opposite of Gray’s mood.
Oh
You’re killing me
You’re not makin’ it easy (Ah-ah-ah)
Too busy deceivin’ and cheatin’ and lyin’ and competin’
To know how lucky you are
The next time through the pre-chorus, Gray reluctantly lets this toxic love interest into his house. It’s all over at that point.
Now you’re tossin’ a rock at my windowpane
Said, “I don’t wanna talk, just go away”
But you claw at the locks ’til I let you invade
By the bridge, Gray has become stuck in a nightmarish loop of exhilaration and heartbreak.
I wanna die, but you keep me alive
You’re killing me, you’re killing me
I wanna die, but you keep me alive
You’re killing me, you’re killing me
You can read all the lyrics to “Killing Me” on Genius now.
