Phantom Bride Lyrics
You separate every belief that is true that...
You spent your life attached to this poison.
You don't feel anything out of the rain,
And it's true that...
This same cold space.
You don't want to feel anything new.
You've decided to spend your life safe from emotion.
This way you'll never be harmed again, or confused now...
You waste your life, relaxed in your void where you will drain all of you.
You waste your life, relaxed in your void where you will stay always.
You spend your life, trapped in your void where you will stay always.
Attached to this poison, always.
You will drain all of you.
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-Lyrical interpretation at the bottom-
If you choose to read my story, I appreciate your desire and hope that my story of success will help anyone realize you are more than just a human to many people around you, you breathe life into those around you.
Where do I even start.
When I first heard this song, on the way home from work at 5am, exhausted, dirty, and among those depressed.
2015 and 2016 had brought me to the edge of my sanity, between a long term relationship ending in the beginning of 2015, and the tragic death of what I would have imagined would have been my soul mate in late 2015.
I rode through 2016 hiding my emotions, I kept my chin held high, I wouldn't let the havoc of this world, and my emotions consume me. I drove myself into debt searching for happiness, and lost many jobs because of apathy. I settled into a safe place with a decent job, and ignored the ruin I had brought upon myself.
I continued to destroy myself inside and out as the year went by, I was either drunk or high almost daily, and even became so wreck-less that I would drink while driving home after work. Come home night after night, parking and finishing beers and bawling my eyes out as I listened to "Change, In the House of Flies" (One of her favorite songs), I would play it on repeat singing until I literally could no longer speak. My life didn't matter to me anymore, I felt like I had lost everything I knew. I slowly sank into mania, I would sit cold and alone, intoxicated in my room staring at a constantly refreshing screen, or sometimes into space, while the TV droned on. I couldn't bear to have silence, silence meant that I was alone with my thoughts, depressive thoughts that were pushing me to find the easiest solution to numb the pain.
Amidst the suicidal/homocidal tendencies, many tragedies around the world didn't help. Constantly, I heard about attacks on innocent people, massacres, that would drag me down. The Pulse attack was less than a mile from my house, the sheer thought that had it been a few months prior, when I was visiting with my ex girlfriend and her friends, it could have been us, that I could have bore witness to such a thing absolutely shook me.
I watched as my best friend, was manipulated into staying in an abusive relationship. Held by the desire to cling to this vampires blood sucking personality, a daily habit of berate, apologize, put down. I did what I could through my own demons to at least keep her from this hell I lived in daily. As I realized I wasn't succeeding, I started to lose hope for everything around me and myself. I reached such a state of nihilism that I became numb.
I can assure you as I write this, I am still recovering, I feel like this song, let alone this album can speak to many people who suffer from depression, and substance abuse.
--Interpretation--
In the song Chino seems to be speaking in third person about someone he is observing, I imagine Chino's voice as my own, watching as I tear myself to shreds, hoping that eventually the repetition of my words will make their impact.
"Inside of this all you create You hide from yourself You separate every belief That is true and you spend your life Attached to this poison You don't feel anything out of the way And its true that
You spend your life trapped in this void Where you will stay always"
(I see this verse as self-realization that I have sheltered myself from feeling pain, sadness, even happiness, that I just exist. That even amongst the pleas of my friends to get help, and even the cries from inside myself to stop, I separate myself from the truth. I'm attached to a poison, a drug, alcohol, the low of depression, I believe I am dirt and nothing else, and that I am meant to remain in this state, because I will never matter, I will never amount to what people see in me, because my existence is futile.)
"Get rid of this part riding you The same cold space You don't want to feel anything new You decided to spend your life Safe from emotion This way you'll never be harmed again Or confused now"
(In order to get rid of these thoughts, I remained in my same cold space, my room, my mind, in this delusion that everything was fine, I helped allow it through substance abuse. I was comfortable, I wasn't ready for extreme change, I just wanted to be safe from the possibility that anything new would kill me. I stayed in my void safe from pain and confusion, but the painful truth is that no matter what the more I sank into the void my emotions tried to push me further in an effort to escape them.)
"You spend your life trapped in this void Where you will stay always You waste your life relaxed in your void Where you will drain all of you
You spend your life stuck in your void Where you will stay always You waste your life relaxed in your void Where you will stay always
You spend your life trapped in your void Where you will stay always"
(The repetition of the chorus is where this song truly hits us, the mood behind the instruments and vocals, illustrates such apathy and pain, but a burning desire to be free. I remained in my void for 10 months, the last 4 months of which became the lowest I'd ever sank as a human, a dark place I never want to experience again, I felt like I'd remain here forever, I knew it was draining me, that I was withering away, that soon I wouldn't have to feel this pain anymore, because I knew my daily habits of self-destruction would end up bringing my untimely death, and just like any death, I would fade away as time passed and be forgotten.
--The final breakdown of the song, although it lacks lyrics, is such a drastic change in flow to the music, it sounds evil, and sad all at the same time-- When I heard this for the first time, I cried uncontrollably, listened to this song for hours listening to every element of the songs structure. The ending made me wake up to my own actions, realize how low I had sunk and that I needed to get out before I drove myself into insanity.
I'm happy now that I am recovering, I eat frequently, my debts are almost gone, and I've gained a sense of self worth.
You are never alone, there will always be someone out there to deliver you from pain, in this case. I sincerely thank Chino Moreno.
Thank you. -Zachary Carlier
@zachary875 I wanted to send you a personal message on facebook, but it wasn't an option. So I'll just do it here:
@zachary875 I wanted to send you a personal message on facebook, but it wasn't an option. So I'll just do it here:
I just wanted to say thank you. I was deeply moved and captivated by your post. Not only by your interpretation of the song lyrics, but your story. I hope things have continued to look up for you. Life is precious. Although we may experience some rough times at one point or another, there's always a glimmer of hope waiting for us to discover, and once we do, what seemed like the end, is only the beginning.
I just wanted to say thank you. I was deeply moved and captivated by your post. Not only by your interpretation of the song lyrics, but your story. I hope things have continued to look up for you. Life is precious. Although we may experience some rough times at one point or another, there's always a glimmer of hope waiting for us to discover, and once we do, what seemed like the end, is only the beginning.
For...
For me, I love how music can be a powerful conduit. A channel connecting the soul to the mind and balancing our spirit with the world. And sometimes, the right song can shine a glimmer of hope in our darkest hour. Once discovered, a state of euphoria overwhelms you. Almost freeing your very soul. What seemed impossible, what felt incomplete, becomes evermore clear, and connects the more you listen. The crying, as you described while listening, is the release of that sorrow you endured for so long.
So if I haven't said it already, thank you for your story. It was greatly appreciated. I wish you all the best and I hope you continue to live life to the fullest potential.
@zachary875 Amazing story, bro. I can relate to several parts of it and it is truly hard to get out of that situation. I am at the moment facing my own demons and hoping that I get better.
@zachary875 Amazing story, bro. I can relate to several parts of it and it is truly hard to get out of that situation. I am at the moment facing my own demons and hoping that I get better.
I really hope you recover to a 100% and can once again be happy.
I really hope you recover to a 100% and can once again be happy.
Peace
Peace
@zachary875 thank you for your interpretation. This is how I percieve it too. I can relate. For me its being stuck in a bad relationship in a job I hate and 1,000 miles from home. I guess I do feel like I am in a void and I am not strong enough to change it so I stay. And I don't want to deal with any drama , so I just suffer in silence. Like I am undeserving of any happiness. I love all the deftones songs. I am a fan for life. I saw them once at Ozfest.....
@zachary875 thank you for your interpretation. This is how I percieve it too. I can relate. For me its being stuck in a bad relationship in a job I hate and 1,000 miles from home. I guess I do feel like I am in a void and I am not strong enough to change it so I stay. And I don't want to deal with any drama , so I just suffer in silence. Like I am undeserving of any happiness. I love all the deftones songs. I am a fan for life. I saw them once at Ozfest.. incredible. Have a great new year 2017 .. Eden <3
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I don't know why, but hearing this song and the lyrics really hit home with video game addiction, specially MMORPG (Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game)
If you ever played World of Warcraft or Final Fantasy, etc a lot of the players (myself included) feel just like this:
"Inside of this all you create You hide from yourself You separate every belief That is true and you spend your life Attached to this poison You don't feel anything out of the way And its true that
You spend your life trapped in this void Where you will stay always"
- Your trapped in an online world that you use to escape reality. You "create" your avator/character and "hide from yourself" in this character. You "separate all your beliefs" you act like a troll or you are super edgy online and yell at people but that's not really you in real life. You spend hours and hours "trapped in the void" and grinding for gear and for exp to get more levels , it's like a slow poison on your life and you don't even care because maybe your real life isn't all that exciting or fulfilling, so you slowly waste the months and years working hard to collect digital items and achievements that ultimately have no meaning in life and can go away in a heart beat (servers shutting down, like City of heroes)
" Get rid of this part riding you The same cold space You don't want to feel anything new You decided to spend your life Safe from emotion This way you'll never be harmed again Or confused now"
-Same cold space, people who are addicted to MMO's often complain about changes "don't want to feel anything new" read any MMO forum and you will see half the players always pissed that this changed or that changed. They prefer "The same cold place" because its familiar. "You decide to spend your life, safe from emotion" I've done this and know other players that literally play games all their life, scared to feel any real emotions in real life and subistute there MMO life for real life. All there emotions and achievements come from beating hard bosses or collecting a rare item or piece of loot , but all of this is taking place "In the void, safe from emotion" ultimately once again, none of it matters.
"You spend your life trapped in this void Where you will stay always You waste your life relaxed in your void Where you will drain all of you
You spend your life stuck in your void Where you will stay always You waste your life relaxed in your void Where you will stay always
You spend your life trapped in your void Where you will stay always"
This is the part that is most truest about any MMO addict. You spend your life stuck grinding for levels, replaying the same dungeons, rebeating the same bosses, regrinding the same content over and over again in a delusional attempt of trying to be fulfilled. The sadest part is you are okay with it, like the lyrics say "You waste your life away, relaxed in your void" a lot of these players use the excuse its just a form of relaxtion, etc. But they are trapped and continue to "stay always" because they have invested so much time and energy into it.
I dunno, maybe some reading this may resonate with me. Others may think its a load of crap and disagree, but for some reason when I heard this song it just instantly made me think of all this.
@kisstharing I wouldn't link it to MMOs this specifically, but that's also the essence I got out of this song. It's about shutting yourself in and spending all your time in your home (Playing games, watching TV; whatever else there could be) due to negative experiences. Hence the "never be harmed again" line. As always with the Deftones, the lyrics are so vague that you can basically attach your own personal story to it. It fits perfectly for your MMO case, but it could also be someone who was bullied in school and started spending their time watching TV daily;...
@kisstharing I wouldn't link it to MMOs this specifically, but that's also the essence I got out of this song. It's about shutting yourself in and spending all your time in your home (Playing games, watching TV; whatever else there could be) due to negative experiences. Hence the "never be harmed again" line. As always with the Deftones, the lyrics are so vague that you can basically attach your own personal story to it. It fits perfectly for your MMO case, but it could also be someone who was bullied in school and started spending their time watching TV daily; it could be someone who was ditched by his girlfriend and started playing roleplay games, or whatever.
One thing I'm always missing when seeing interpretations of this is the actual title of the song. Why Phantom Bride? What does this title add? What does it refer to? With our line of thinking, this link is rather easy: In MMOs, some people tend to fall in love with other players without really knowing anything about them. You might meet some kind of girl and start developing feelings based on your imagination of the actual person behind it. Hence she becomes a "phantom bride" - it's not actually the human behind it you fall in love with, but rather a fictional being that you created in your head. In some extreme cases, the same case happens in the anime culture as well, where people fall in love with characters they knew are fictional to begin with.
@XCrusherX I totally agree with everything you said! Your explaination of the phantom bride makes total sense, and it's something that I've done many times in life. Sometimes we fall in love with the image in our head of what that person is or should be, when in reality they are not. This harkens into the idea of unrequited love as well, falling in love with the image of a person but not the actual person itself. It's fun looking in hindsight at all the times I've done this and hearing songs like this, and reading comments like yours bring...
@XCrusherX I totally agree with everything you said! Your explaination of the phantom bride makes total sense, and it's something that I've done many times in life. Sometimes we fall in love with the image in our head of what that person is or should be, when in reality they are not. This harkens into the idea of unrequited love as well, falling in love with the image of a person but not the actual person itself. It's fun looking in hindsight at all the times I've done this and hearing songs like this, and reading comments like yours bring me so much closure. Makes me know I'm totally crazy and others have observed it as well!
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I believe this song references a person in complete downward spiral in their life and likely so far gone they can't even recognize their own self destruction. He's trying to do an intervention and get them to see how far they have come undone.
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my opinion in this song, i kwow chino uses a lot o methaphores but in this case i feel the song and asociated with 2 things , dead , sadness,
even when i hear the final solo i picture a funeral, so i for me is chino analizing the life of somebody that just die
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This is one of my most favorite Deftones songs...and there are too many to name.
To me, personally, this song has everything to do with self-realization, whether it's coming to you or you're trying to get it into somebody else.
This one really reached me at a very difficult time in my life. A couple of months ago, my wife filed for divorce from me after 10 years and 2 kids together. I was, and still am devastated. One night while feeling sick about the whole thing, I came across this song. It was like a bomb went off in my head. The sound, the song title, the lyrics, it all made sense...."That's my ex-wife!!! She's the phantom bride that wasn't there with me when I needed her during some very difficult times. She was always attached to something else."
But then as I kept listening to the song over and over again for the next few weeks, something began to change. I began to realize that the lyrics were more about me than her.
Due to many financial and personal tragedies that were beyond my control, I became more and more secluded. I isolated myself from everybody and everything that I shouldn't have isolated myself from, including my own children. I had developed severe social anxiety disorder. The poison that I was attached to was any vice I could find to dull the blade and feel like my old self again. "You don't feel anything out of the rain" is the line that grabbed me the most. After feeling like my life had become so impossible to sustain, I had lost the ability to feel the difference between joy and sadness, so it might as well just be the latter.
My ex-wife wasn't the phantom bride I wanted to believe she was. I had lost myself in the whirlwind of chaos and sadness of my own situation and I was sinking. The lyrics were about me, not her. I had become the phantom.
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This song speaks to me about addiction, in every form. I had 2 separate instances where the meaning of the lyrics hit me hard. The funny thing was I interpreted the lyrics differently both times. I love songs with lyrics that, depending on your state of mind or current situation, the meaning also seems to change or the way you hear the lyrics changes. When I first heard this song I was on the edge of a breakup with someone I had been friends with for almost two years and talked to almost every day. It had turned into a toxic relationship. We were driving together and I played this song and in that moment the lyrics hit me and I related the song to self talk of someone who was stuck in a toxic relationship. I say stuck because you’re not happy in the relationship yet you feel like you need the person or the interaction or attention, whether positive or negative, you just feel like you need it. And that need is the poison. Staying in a toxic relationship telling yourself lies that the pain is worth the few good times and in that lie you lose yourself over time. Then, about 2 years later, alone in my room, the lyrics hit me in a different way and I had the epiphany that the song is about addition in all forms and what it eventually does to a person. It’s a song of self talk as well as the voices of those who care about while they watch you lose yourself. For me, it was an eye opener both times the lyrics hit me. And the best/worst part is it’s so spot on when it comes to addiction and the way the addicted views their life. It’s a powerful song.
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I just heard this song 2 days ago while I was in the road at night with my dad, who was the one who introduced me into this music. It was the first time I ever heard this song even though I listen to deftones quite often.\n\nRecently I realized that I feel kinda alone if a don’t have a romatnic partner. I want to clarify that I am quite young still and I know that still have a lot of things to learn and experiment, and live. The thing is that I have just had my heart broken for the second time. And I know a lot of people would relate when I say that when it happens you can’t help but just isolate yourself from everyone. \n\nI am scared that one day I am going to be left completely alone, even with no friends and family. I am scared of the reality of the outside world that we sometimes disguise with fake relationships, friendships, alcohol, parties, etc. \n\nI know that every time I am alone in my room I create this void where I just throw myself and all my thoughts. I get lost in there thinking that I am not good for anyone and that no one will accept me as I am. \n\nSince I moved out of my hometown I’ve been living out of this fake friendships. No one to really talk to knowing that they care about me. And knowing that this is going to be like the rest of my life. I feel attached to this poison, the loneliness, but I am scared to be betrayed and hurt again, even by my family. \n\nI am the phantom bride
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I thought this could be about a girl who becomes a hermit, as a result of her past.. Her poison (depression/anxiety/addiction) keeps her stuck there, she becomes a phantom.