Getting Older

I'm gettin' older, I think I'm agin' well
I wish someone had told me, I'd be doin' this by myself
There's reasons that I'm thankful, there's a lot I'm grateful for
But it's different when a stranger's always waitin' at your door
Which is ironic 'cause the strangers seem to want me
More than anyone before (anyone before)
Too bad they're usually deranged

Last week, I realized I crave pity
When I retell a story, I make everything sound worse
Can't shake the feeling that I'm just bad at healing
And maybe that's the reason every sentence sounds rehearsed
Which is ironic, because when I wasn't honest
I was still bein' ignored (lyin' for attention just to get neglection)
Now we're estranged

Things I once enjoyed
Just keep me employed now
Things I'm longing for
Someday, I'll be bored of
It's so weird
That we care so much until we don't

I'm gettin' older, I've got more on my shoulders
But I'm gettin' better at admitting when I'm wrong
I'm happier than ever, at least that's my endeavor
To keep myself together and prioritize my pleasure
'Cause to be honest, I just wish that what I promise
Would depend on what I'm given (not on his permission, wasn't my decision)
To be abused, mm

Things I once enjoyed
Just keep me employed now, mm
Things I'm longing for, mm
Someday, I'll be bored of
It's so weird
That we care so much until we don't

But next week, I hope I'm somewhere laughing
For anybody asking, I promise I'll be fine
I've had some trauma, did things I didn't wanna
Was too afraid to tell ya, but now I think it's time