Prison in My Head
The Rep Lyrics

I'm so tired of fallin'
I'm exhausted from constantly experiencing setbacks and failures.

If this Tylenol could, numb the pain or (ex the strength) but a fire arm would
I wish medication could help me forget my problems, but I feel like a violent solution would be more effective.

I got a friend who survived a shot
I know someone who attempted suicide but lived through it.

suicide, humans die, say good bye then say Hi to God
When someone dies by suicide, they leave this world and go to meet their maker.

She said a prayer ‘fore she pulled the trigger,
Before my friend attempted suicide, she prayed to God for forgiveness and guidance.

Lord if it be your will, I apologize (I swear) so please forgive me,
She asked for God's will to be done and apologized for what she was about to do.

and then the hammer clicked
The gun didn't fire when she pulled the trigger.

the devil and his demons laugh entertainment like their staring through a camera lense
The devil and his followers find delight in human suffering and view it as entertainment.

She's on a doctors table operatin'
After her suicide attempt, my friend was undergoing surgery.

She said that when she left the body nurses screamin' like they lost a patient
While my friend was being operated on, the nurses thought she had died and were screaming in distress.

and she woke up in hell so goes the tale
My friend had a near-death experience and felt like she was in hell.

and it was hotter than the barrel of the gun that she shot her face wit'
The afterlife in my friend's experience was unbearable, much hotter than the gun she used to attempt suicide.

and to make thing even worse,
As if the experience wasn't bad enough,

she can hear herself falling, while they're calling out a name that wasn't even hers.
She had an out-of-body experience where she could hear people calling for someone else's name while feeling like she was falling.

and she's like dang I'm dying
She was experiencing the sensation of dying.

and no one even knows my name, what a shame that I am
No one knew who she was, and she felt insignificant.

like an insane asylum
She felt like she was trapped in a mental institution.

and when they tie me to this bed and stitch my face together
She expected to be held down and have her wounds stitched together.

my names a waste of letters, colder then a late December
She feels like her name means nothing and feels as cold as the winter.

That's when she heard God say, I did not forget you
God reached out to my friend and reassured her that she was not forgotten.

I know your name and I would twice hang on that cross to get you
God loves my friend deeply and would sacrifice himself for her twice if needed.

and those scars on your face that I'ma leave you wit'
God doesn't promise that her scars will disappear, but he will always be with her.

are there to remind you, that from this day it's for me you live.
Her scars serve as a reminder to live for God.

and her story is so bitter sweet
Her story is both sad and uplifting.

‘cuz I know if God can deliver her, then surely he'll deliver me: I'm sitting in my room and I wonder what it is that you see when you look at me
If God can save my friend, then he can save me too. I often wonder what God sees when he looks at me.

if this how it ends I don't want to pretend like Im something that I'll never be
I don't want to live pretending to be someone I'm not if this is how my life ends.

Lord pick me up cause I don't want to fall again
I need God's help to pick me up when I fall.

save me save me from this prison in my head.
I'm trapped in my own negative thoughts and need God's help to escape.

So there's no one else to blame or point the fingers at
I can't blame anyone else for my problems.

if life's a sad sad song then where the singers at
If life is full of sadness, where are the people who can express it through music?

Love just flies away, I guess that's why these artist
Love is fleeting, which is why artists often create images of hearts with wings.

always seem to draw the red heart with the wings attached
The image of a heart with wings is a common theme in art.

life is short time is borrowed like the tweaker who just never brought my speakers back
Life is temporary and finite. It's like someone who borrows something but never returns it.

mr deacon please don't put me where the preacher sat
I don't want to sit in the preacher's seat because I'm not worthy.

cause I don't own a suit, and i just mite stain your carpet
I don't have the proper attire, and I don't want to ruin your carpet.

cause lately to be honest, all this dirt I'm walking in has turned my sneakers black
Lately, I've been feeling weighed down by my problems and they've stained my shoes black.

my wife's the best of me, and I'm the weaker half
My wife is the better half of our relationship, and I'm weaker.

if life's a recipe, I'm sick of eatin' that
I'm tired of living the same life over and over again.

become the death of me, I'll rest in peace, it's pure ecstasy so let it be
I think my problems might lead me to my death, which would finally bring me peace.

put that on everything that Jesus has
I swear that I mean what I say, and I'm using Jesus' name to emphasize it.

but thou shall not swear, so my words are locked there in a freezer bag
I'm not supposed to swear, so I'll keep my strong language to myself.

they just melt away talk is cheap can't afford the price if there is hell to pay
Words are meaningless if they're not backed up by action. If there are real consequences, then talk is not enough to solve the problem.

so I'm feeling kind of nervous and my stomachs turning at the dinner table like I'm hoping someone else can pray
I'm anxious and uncomfortable at dinner and wish that someone else could say grace.

all my selfish ways, I've been caught red handed
I've been caught being selfish.

like the kid who stuck his finger inside a birthday cake
I feel embarrassed and ashamed, like a child who ruined a birthday cake by sticking their finger in it.

yeah, kids look up to me
I'm a role model for children.

its like they think I'm perfect, see I'm drowning sick and barely breathing trying to reach the surface
Children think I'm perfect, but I'm secretly struggling to stay afloat in life.

they say my songs speak to 'em like I'm preaching sermons
Kids relate to my music and find it inspiring, like a sermon from a church.

and the pastor at his church sounds like he's speakin' German
The church's pastor speaks in a way that is hard for kids to understand.

but I just wonder if he knows that I got problems of my own
I wonder if the pastor knows that I'm struggling too.

and I'm following this road but I ain't perfect neither
I'm trying my best to follow the right path, but I'm not perfect either.

that's why I need God
This is why I need God in my life.

his grace keeps me from flipping out on my wife and packing my bags tonight to leave her
God's grace helps me to control my emotions and not do something drastic like leaving my wife.

and trust me I done thought about it
Leaving my wife has crossed my mind before.

and not one homey was around that I can call on like "dawg I'm drowning"
I didn't have any close friends to turn to for help when I was struggling.

they just left drinking oceans trying to swallow mountains
My friends were focused on partying and getting drunk instead of being there for me when I needed them.

walking a tight rope during an earth quake I'm all off balance
I feel like I'm trying to maintain my life while everything around me is falling apart.

but I'm convinced that He was there, when no one was
I believe God was there for me when no one else was.

Satan gives the evil stare, but Romans 1
Even though I feel like Satan is watching me, I remember the teachings in Romans 1.

says I am not ashamed
Romans 1 teaches me not to feel ashamed of my faith.

and I am NOT ashamed
I am not ashamed to put my faith in God.

so even when it's all over I still overcome
No matter what happens, I will always triumph over my trials with God's help.